I am officially calling the kettle black!
Note: This is to my family who supposably cares about me. And I don’t car if it offends any body or not I am now putting my opinion in and this is mine not anybody else’s and if you don’t like it I do NOT care anymore. So get mad if you want to it don’t make a difference to me I am stating my opinion now. And I am only including my brothers my aunt my grandpa and my mom.
This goes out to my siblings ( Joshua and Jeremiah ).
1. You guys are no where near perfect and never will be and neither will I.
So this is what I have to say. All you guys do is put mom down and say that Mother was a horrible Mom and you guys talk crap about her, well what makes you guys any better. Do you not realize you would not be here without her. Maybe she didn’t have all the money that she needed during your guys childhood and I have got stories from you two and other people now I am judging, Jere you say that Mother made a lot of wrong choices and that she always screamed and cursed you, which I am more than sure that is true. But she gave up her only teenage hood for you have you ever thanked her for giving up her life for you? She took on a teen pregnancy back then when it was highly judged and put down for now days it is more common. Yes she may have said some things she didn’t mean but so have you, you have a temper like no other, remember the night I was in the hospital when I told you I was pregnant what did you do? You screamed and put me down and you even put down the guy who was going to help me through it and you had no right too! Have you ever said well I wish you would have waited but I am here to support you and I can’t wait to have a niece or nephew? No! You haven’t at that time I thought that you were a pure ass! Which you were. But what I am trying to say is I am sick of nothing positive coming out of your mouth, about me or mother. Being pregnant isn’t easy at all, ask any woman. And why don’t you go ask your wife who lost her Mom and ask her if she regrets everything she didn’t thank her for and how bad she felt if she said anything to her that she regretted. And now it is to late to get her forgiveness. Have you ever wondered what it would feel like if we lost our Mother? Probably not but I think of it everyday. And I am terrified of losing her because she is the ONLY MOM YOU HAVE IN LIFE! So stop putting her down and maybe call her up and say hey Thanks thank you for everything you sacrificed for me, because I know you didn’t haft to.
Now Josh, you are worse than Jere because you think you know all the answers and YOU DON’T you think how Mother raises me is wrong well it is non of your business, you have two kids so raise them how you want to. You talk like she is shit under your shoe, you didn’t even want to buy her a Mothers day present. Which is really shallow cause I know our sister in law would love to be able to buy her mom a Mother’s day present. She would give anything to spend another one with her and you could care less and I have no idea why. Because I hate to tell you that you are not any better than anybody else in our family you may try to be but you are not. You are Grandpa Cullis made over and trust me I haven’t got to his part yet. But you have no right to put Mother down do you ever put your Dad down? No, but tell me something what would you think if Mother dropped dead tomorrow how would you feel? I could try to say how you would feel but I can’t because I am not you. I know that I would be horrified and scared to death because when it comes down to it she is the only one we will be able to rely on, and when she is gone she can’t come back. And yes she may not be perfect but she tries, I know for a fact that she has chronic back pain so no the house isn’t as clean as she wants it. But you don’t live here and you don’t have any idea what goes on here by no means, you only know as much as we allow you to know. Do I help out with cleaning the house? No I don’t should I? Yes I should, but I am lazy and I will admit that to anyone who asks. But you do not sit here or see mother when she can’t hardly move and if you did you probably wouldn’t care cause it isn’t about you. So I am sick of you talking shit about our Mother and you think that you are perfect well I hate to tell you that you are NOT God and won’t be, so instead of putting her down why not help her or say hey mom I love you and Thanks for being there for me. I don’t know what your deal is, but you need to get the hell over it. And I am not trying to say I am perfect I am not by no means, I have said a lot of mean things to her and I regret it terribly! And I haven’t apologized yet, and I need to and I am terrified that it is going to be too late and than I can’t imagine how I would feel. Now about you to me. You told me that I should have an abortion or give my kid up for adoption and if I don’t I am selfish, well I am sorry this is the only kid I will ever be able to have. I have been told since I was 7 years old that I will never be able to have kids, and now that I am pregnant all the doctors are shaking there head. Because I got pregnant 1: while I was on birth control 2: I only have one ovary and 3: I had a cyst the size of a grape fruit on the only ovary I have. So tell me why I want to give my only kid up. And I knew when I got in bed that there was a 1 percent chance that I could get pregnant so me knowing that I already decided that if I was blessed with a kid that I would keep it because I own up to my responsibilities especially when I was the one that cause it. So if you wanna be in my kid’s life and mine than if you have any negativity you need to keep it to yourself you can be supportive and support me and love my kid or I don’t want you around, yes I love you but I have a kid to think about, and if you have a problem the way I raise my kid you better not say one word about it. Because this is mine and Dakota’s kid and only me and him have a right to say how we raise our kid. So if you wanna be around support me and love me and my kid.
This goes to my Aunt Andrea:
I just wanted to say that you are not going to like a lot of my decisions I make with my kid, and I will listen to what you have to say but if I disagree with it I am going to tell you why and if you don’t want to hear it than don’t give me your opinion, because me and you think a lot different in ways and the same in others and I know I will make mistakes with my kid but than again you weren’t a perfect mom you even told me yourself. And if you do not like something that I am doing with my child or if you don’t like what Dakota is doing with his child we will listen and if I am in a situation that you don’t like well don’t try to take charge cause that will make me mad just try to help me, and I know when I need help and I will ask for it trust me. Now I am going to let you know that this child has a father and it took him to make it too, so he is going to be in the kids life he can’t be any worse with the kid than me. And if you don’t like it keep it to your self . All I want from people is to support what ever decisions that I make with mine and Dakota’s kid and to just support me and love me and my kid during my pregnancy and when my kid gets here and that everyone respects Dakota like they would respect me because he is the Dad and that goes to everyone in the family and my friends. I am thankful on how much you have helped me out so far so I am saying thank you but please respect what I had to say. I have learned from you mainly to speak my mind and this is what I am doing and I am calling everyone on everything. So that is what I have to say to you.
To my Grandpa Cullis:
Now I have watched things over the years and I have asked many people in the family over this. So this is what I have to say. Why do you make a difference in my mom and you may think you don’t but you do. Because everything adds up.
If Andrea needed a car you would rush out and find her one. But yet you know my mom has no car that is hers and Jerry’s van doesn’t run right and you also know that I am pregnant. And if bubba need a car and Kaitlyn was pregnant I know that you would get them a car immediately and you know that makes you look pretty bad. I never wanted to believe that you beat my mom and Andrea or that you made a difference on the kids. But I know it is true because I have seen the difference that you make between them. I know that you have gave Andrea and Bubba money oh but I know if my mom asked you would say when will you pay me back and I know you will because josh is just like you! And he would too. So what has my mom done so wrong to you that you don’t even care about her. Your so called friend Dr. Oat is the biggest joke ever. And if he treated Andrea or Bubba like he does my mom you would be crawling all over him. Would you not? I know that there is a medicine that my mom can take that is called Lyrica, but your friend Dr. Oat refuses to right her for it and that lets her have no pain, I mean I am sick of seeing my mom always wonder why you hate her so much? And I am staring to believe it, we have no money and we can’t afford her medicine. And Indian health care I know for a fact will cover lyrica but you jerk of a friend will not write it for her, Why? Have you told him something to make him not to do it? Or do you just like seeing my mom suffer I am so sick of people not caring about my mom and now I am speaking about it. I thought that you were better than My so called Grandma Alice is and that is sad. My mom honestly thins you don’t care if she is dead and I believe that. We desperately need a car. But do you car nope. My mom desperately needs lyrica do you talk to Dr. Oat? Nope. What has my mom done so bad to you? And to think you know I am pregnant and you still don’t care that we don’t have transportation, and its not like we can buy a car all our extra money goes to her medicine because of your so called a great of a friend. So this is what I want to know from you right when you read this. Why do you hate my mom, and not care about her, she isn’t anymore blood to you than Andrea and bubba are so why do you make a difference???
Now to Mom:
Now I know that you can’t work and you have tried to get SS and I know you try your hardest and I don’t think it is good enough. Well honestly it is good enough I just get so aggervated that we don’t have anybody we can rely on which I did not realize intill now. And I am so sick of people thinking they know our life inside and out because they have no damn idea what goes on. And I am now realizing when you say no one really gives a shit its true, I do not understand your dad. He should be slapped you do not create kids and get in the bed and make them if you don’t want to be there for them for the rest of your life. And I know you think I talk bad about you but I don’t I defend you, I do not understand your sons except that they are selfish as hell. Yes you have not made all the right decisions but you do what you think is best. And I just want to let you know that I want to take everything mean I have ever said to you. And I am terrified to even think about losing you and me not to able to say I am sorry for what I have done. And I am going to start helping you out and I am sorry how I have disrespected you. And I know I can’t take it back and I know I can say sorry all day long, but actions speak louder than words, so I am not going to try to be better I am going to be better. I am so sick of Jeremiah and Joshua talking shit about you they have no damn right too! They try to blame everything on you but they van never take the blame there self. And I am just sick of the whole family putting you down when they are no damn better than you. They are worse because all they can do is judge you but they can never say anything good. I have no idea why but they just show that they have no life and that they are sorry human beings. They have no idea about anything that goes on in our life and they do not live it so it is easy to talk shit about something you don’t know about, and I can go around judging peoples life too but I don’t because I am not in there shoes. So I wrote this mainly because I am sick of your sons and Dad being dicks and that is all they are and you know I could put Alice in here but there is no hope just like my dad. Mom I love you and thank you for being there for me no matter what. Even though my dad aint in my life I really don’t need him because you are just as good as a mom and dad put together. And I know that when my child gets here he/she is going to have the best Grandma ever and what is sad Brighton and Chase doesn’t even have a chance and I hate it but Josh knows how close he was to his Grandma GeGe and he had told me so he can explain to especially Chase why he doesn’t have a Grandma on either side and God help him, but there is one thing I promise you that I will never do is use my kid against you and it isn’t just for you I can’t be that cruel to my kid. It doesn’t just effect you it effects the kid too and that’s what I look at. So mom I love you and I am so sorry that I act like nothing is good enough because I always looked at the bad and now that I look at the good you are the best mom ever I couldn’t ask for a better one nor would I want on.
By the way it is NOT my mom’s fault that I am pregnant it is mine, she prepared me and told me not to but I didn’t listen so DO NOT blame my mom you got a problem with it take it up with me not her!!!!!!!!!!
I HAD SEX SHE DIDN’T!!!!!!
Hi Haley! I think you have a lot of courage and strength to speak what is on your mind. That is a trait that is hard to obtain (wish I had it). Good for you for speaking up. No one on earth should ever be trampled on or be disregarded in life.
ReplyDeleteI also think you are doing a wonderful thing by letting this precious baby live. I do not believe in abortion because it is murder to me. I am so happy that you have a chance to be a mommy. There are many women who can't have that so it's a blessing you can. :) I wish I could be there to help you out with getting ready for the baby and help you with the baby when he or she arrives. I will do everything I can to help.
I love you and will always support you. I know this hasn't been an easy road, but there not many roads in life that are easy. As someone once told me, "if something is worth doing, it's worth fucking up at least once" haha. Everyone is going to make mistakes because we are all human and imperfect. But that doesn't mean we can't make the best of what we have and move forward with life. Whats done is done, and now we should all move forward and look forward to this precious baby coming.
I grew up a totally different lifestyle than what you know, and there was lots of judgment. I moved away from home when I was 18 because I knew that judging people like that was wrong. I try each day not to judge or I know it's gonna come right back on me. I think this whole world be a lot better without so much judgment. I believe people can have opinions, but should never act like God and act like they know everything. No one knows what it's like to walk in someone elses shoes.
So anyway, good for you for standing up for yourself. If you ever need anything I am just a phone call or e-mail away. Okay? I love ya girl!
NOTE: I am posting this in several parts since it is too long.
ReplyDeleteAunt Andrea’s Response
Part 1
Haley,
I have read your posting on your blog. I honor your willingness to open your heart and the feelings that you shared and take no offense to them. I have tried to answer your accusations and views as truthfully and accurately as possible in the following letter. If I have come off harsh, I’m sorry. The shit you stirred IS HARSH. It does not mean I don’t love you – I do, more than I have words to say. So, I hope you will honor what I have written as well. Here goes.
I agree that my father has not been perfect. He has made lots of mistakes in his life. I am sure he will be the first to tell you that. Yet, your declaration of him being this horrible person is not true. He does not favor any one family member over the other as you so loudly proclaim. For the most part he expects his GROWN, ADULT CHILDREN to TAKE CARE OF THEMSELVES.
Despite his many imperfections my father has done some good things. Was he perfect? No. Did he make a difference between us? No. He did the best he could with the tools he was given by his parents, which by the way, didn’t give him much. He was there for us most of our lives as children. Yes, him and my mom went off the deep end for a while, but my dad got back with my mother when Carol had Jeremiah and according to my mom, helped her pay for the medical bills.
He has bought me 2 cars in my life, one when I was 16 and one when I was 24 and going to college and trying to pull my life back together. Other than that, for the past 20+ years, I have ridden the bus, walked, found some other way around or found a way to buy my own. Yes, he has helped me fix them when they were broke down at times, often teaching me how to do it. That’s because I asked him for help and after I got sober I actually paid him back when I said I would. I really don’t know what he’s done for my sister or brother because I was out on my own way before they were old enough to drive.
I am sorry you all are having car problems. I really am. If I were in a position to help I would but I can’t. I HAVE NO JOB. I know you’re worried about transportation for your baby. If I were in your shoes I would be too. However, one of the hard, cruel realities of this world that I have had to learn is that nobody owes me anything, not even my family and more often than not, when family has “helped” it has come back to haunt me. So its better to stand on my own two feet.
Since I have gotten sober I can count on one hand when I have asked for help/borrowed money from my parents/friends. When Alicia got pregnant nobody in my family, NOBODY ran to my rescue or Alicia’s. Yes, I got her a car. Do you know how? I sold savings bonds HER FATHER, Mike had got her. My dad didn’t pay for it, nor did I ask or expect him to. See, I figured I was an adult and it was my responsibility to take care of my daughter and her soon coming child and no one else’s. Yes, various family members and friends gave us clothes and things we needed, just as I plan to do for you, but there was NO ONE there to listen to ME CRY or help ME through it. I did it ALL MYSELF. Nobody powdered my ass through it, not my dad, mom, sister, brother, nobody. So, I don’t know where you get the idea that I am the “beloved” or “favorite” child in my family because I’m not.
Part 2
ReplyDeleteAunt Andrea’s Response Continued…
If you want to compare things, and you have – you’re the one that brought it up, not me, so I will tell you what I think and what my perspective is:
1. First let me tell you that unlike others in my family, I have never expected anybody to take care of me. I never felt like my parents or anybody else “owed” me anything. I have worked since I was 14 years old and earned anything I got with the exception of a couple of times when I was young. In the last 20+ years I have stood and fallen on my own.
2. It’s never a good idea to completely burn bridges; you might need to cross back over them some day.
3. In reference to your paragraph written specifically to me about the decisions you make: I did not offer UNSOLICITED advice to you. YOU ASKED ME. YOU STARTED TALKING TO ME ABOUT IT. I gave you MY OPINION and told you to do whatever you wanted because you already know it all anyway. Haley, if you don’t want to know what I honestly think, THEN DON’T ASK. If you can’t handle the blatant truth AS I SEE IT, again DON’T ASK. I really do not give a crap who you screw, who you choose to live your life with, who you let your baby around, whatever you do; BUT if you ask me personally what my opinion is I’m not gonna tell you what I think you want to hear. Unlike most people, I say honestly what I think – good or bad – popular or unpopular. Again, I don’t give my opinion unless I’m asked. So if you don't want to listen in the first place, don’t ask anymore.
Part 3
ReplyDeleteAunt Andrea’s Response Continued…
4. As far as this little child that isn’t even here yet growing inside you is concerned, you’re right, it’s YOUR DECISION what you do with it, who is around it and how it is raised NOT MINE. Also, YOU are the one that will ultimately answer to your Maker for everything you do or don’t do in life just like me, especially when it comes to your child. So, do what you want, but don’t come crying to me expecting sympathy or to be rescued when you didn’t listen in the first place. You are the one that has to suffer the consequences of EVERY DECISION you make for you and your child, not me, not your mom or anybody else.
I told you the day you told me you were pregnant and it still rings true today; I am not happy that you are pregnant at 14 years old; I don’t like the mess you have made all by yourself of your life. Yet, what’s done is done. There is no point in humiliating you or your baby. I will love your baby and support you in your decision to keep it.
Having said that, I will tell you the same thing I told Alicia when she got pregnant: If you want me to be a part of this child’s life I will be. I will love it and be a positive force in its life. However, hear me and hear me clearly, I have had many children that I loved with all my heart, used as pawns against me if I did not do whatever their parent or parents wanted for many years in my life. I have had my heart ripped out and torn from me as a result. I WILL NOT DO THAT AGAIN. If you are going to threaten to keep me away at any time in your child’s life (even now before it’s even born) because you are pissed or use your child as a club to emotionally abuse me with, then don’t bother including me in its life in the first place. I am not saying I do not want to be a part of its life – I DO – but I won’t go through that again. It’s WRONG to do that to your child as well as to me. I am not some awful monster in my family. I am the one that has ALWAYS BEEN THERE FOR EVERYONE and the first one everyone throws away when they don’t get their way. I am not going there again.
Haley, when you get that baby in your arms for the first time your worldview will change in ways I cannot explain. I think you’re going to be a great mom. However, I want to make sure you clearly understand what I will and won’t do if you want me to be a part of its life. First, I will not walk around the elephant in the room and pretend it’s not there. It is wrong and illegal to NOT PROTECT A CHILD. Please understand, I have no plans to pass judgment on how you raise your child or how you live; for example if you choose to live in a pig sty, yell at your child, even call it names (none of which are legally considered abuse), that’s your choice. I may not agree with it and most likely will not come around as a result, but I’m not gonna do anything – it’s none of my business. HOWEVER, if for example, I knew/saw that you or somebody else was burning your child with cigarettes, locking it in a closet, beating it (I don’t mean spanking – there’s a difference), starving it, or some other thing that is legally considered abuse I would report it to the authorities because it’s illegal not to report it and it’s wrong to NOT PROTECT A CHILD. I would think you would expect nothing less of your family.
Hear me when I say that I am not going try to take your child from you. I have done my time raising kids and I don’t want any more. The ONLY way I would raise ANY OTHER CHILD, not just yours, is if there was a death of a parent, God forbid, and they specified in the will that they wanted me to raise it. Otherwise if someone loses custody of their child it’s their mess to clean up, not mine. I am not gonna be anybody’s savior. I got blamed for all the shit that went down with you, yet I HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH IT. It hurt and I’m not going there again. No one will ever hold me as an emotional hostage again over a child, no matter how much I love them.
Part 4
ReplyDeleteAunt Andrea’s Response Continued…
5. I was kicked out of the house at 16/17 years old and told to sink or swim. I lived in my car and bathed at McDonald’s before I went to work every day for several months until I met Cobey. I would sneak home or over to grandma’s once in awhile and eat when I was starved to death, other than that, I was alone, living in my car and no one knew it. While I do not necessarily agree with what my parents did, I can see today how I actually drove them to it. I was so crazy, doing drugs, and totally wild. What else could they do? I would not obey them; I ran the streets, snuck out at night, etc. So, I understand why they did it. I would have ended up there anyway.
My brother and sister have been GIVEN way more than me. Not that I care, because I don’t. See, I learned a long time ago that nobody owes me anything. The way I live my life is up to me, I’m an adult and it’s up to me to take care of myself. My parents never GAVE me a house. My MOM, not my dad, paid to get me set up in an apartment once before I got sober, despite the fact that she took hell from my dad for doing it. My dad never did anything like that.
The one thing my dad did do for me that so far he has not done for any of his other kids is take care of Alicia and Sedrick for 6 weeks while I was in treatment back in 1986. I hope Bub and Carol never get addicted to drugs/alcohol like I was, treatment was no picnic. I frankly owe part of the credit for my sobriety to my dad for being willing to help me and for MAKING my mom step up and help. She wanted nothing to do with it at the time and he threatened to leave her if she didn’t help (of course the story she tells today is so different – a lie). If you think my dad would not do that for Bub or Carol you are so wrong. He would have, but they never needed it. My dad may not show it very well, but he loves his kids. I know that.
If it weren’t for my dad I would have lost my kids to DHS. Did he have to help me? No. Did he give me a car or a bunch of money when I got out of treatment? No. Did he give me a house? No. He told me I had to MAKE IT ON MY OWN, which I have done since I got sober.
Yet, everyone is so quick to whine “dad loves Andrea more and he does more for her” all the time. I DON’T KNOW WHY. I have had to make it on my own, have worked for EVERYTHING I have gotten and lost in the last 20+ years and I have not stood at my parent’s or in-laws doors expecting a hand-out. Yet, Bub has been GIVEN (not had to work or pay rent for) at least 2 homes from his in-laws and Carol was GIVEN grandma’s house. Yes, I agree she earned it by sacrificing her life completely to take care of grandma for at least 2 years while she was sick until she died. However, if it had not been for ME she would not have gotten the house. I AM THE ONE that went to mom and her damn brothers and fought for her to get it. Who got the credit for that? NOT ME. I am the one that my family bad mouths, expects to walk on a tight rope and shuts out as if I were dead anytime I falter even a little. So much for love and gratitude.
Despite the fact that your mom was GIVEN grandma’s house free and clear, did not have to pay rent on it or anything, just taxes and utilities; it still ended up torn up. I will agree that the house was old and needed repairs but if I were GIVEN a house free and clear I would take care of it. There’s no one to blame for the shape of that house but your mom. I do not mean anything bad about your mom by saying that; I’m just stating the facts as I saw them at the time. As you said I only saw what your mom wanted me to see. Like I told you, I never even know she broke her back all those years ago till a few months ago. Who knows what else went on there? Like I told you, Terry was a lunatic so who knows.
Part 5
ReplyDeleteAunt Andrea’s Response Continued…
6. In the past 20+ years no one, including my father has GIVEN ME MONEY. I have made my OWN WAY. If I don’t have it, I don’t spend it. Not that it’s any of your business, because it’s not, but the ONLY thing my dad has done for me is co-sign on a loan for a van (I PAID THE DOWN PAYMENT ON IT – NOT HIM) back in 1996. I paid EVERY payment early and actually paid the note off a year early by working 2 jobs. What handout do you see there?
When I divorced Mike and when Steve left me I LOST EVERYTHING both times, yet I did not ask anyone for anything, nor did anyone volunteer to help. Right after Steve left I laid on the couch for over a week with pneumonia and couldn’t move. I should have been in the hospital but I refused to go because I couldn’t afford it. I did not get ONE PHONE CALL from anyone. NOBODY came to my aid or stopped by to check on me. I took care of myself, provided for my kids and did it on my own. So, the notion you have that my dad has given me all this money or favors me over everyone else is WRONG. He hasn’t – NO ONE HAS.
Frankly, I AM THE ONE that has GIVEN to everyone else, even when it meant I would do without. Did you know that I paid $200.00 for my dad some hearing aids? Bet you didn’t, see I don’t tell the whole world the good things I do because I figure God knows and that’s all that counts and I hate people who blow their own horn like that. Yet, people are so quick to think I do nothing to help anyone. I have bought cars, televisions, sent money to certain family/friends so they can eat, paid for health insurance, etc because I LOVE THEM as a GIFT with no requirement for repayment. Before you were in my life again I did all kinds of things anonymously because I care.
It hurts me deeply that people so quickly forget what I do. Have you forgotten about Christmas already? Who gave you the microwave you use? Who got you a laptop? Who has taken you and bought you clothes even when it wasn’t a holiday or birthday? Who has taken you out to eat? Shall I keep going? I did those things BECAUSE I LOVE YOU ALL and I have NEVER expected ANYTHING in return nor have I held it over your heads. Yet, if I ask anyone and I mean ANYONE for a little crumb of anything – attention, help, a shoulder to cry on – I am kicked when I’m down. People WON’T help me unless I PAY them and then sometimes even when I pay they screw me over (NOT TALKING ABOUT YOUR MOM ON THIS ONE, SHE ALWAYS HONORS HER WORD WITH ME). So, don’t go there with me. ANYTHING I have today, I EARNED, I WORKED FOR, I PAID FOR and NO ONE HAS HELPED ME.
I AM THE ONE THAT’S ALWAYS FORGOTTEN. I am the ONLY child out of my siblings who has graduated from college and NO ONE CARED ENOUGH ABOUT ME (not even my own children) TO PLAN A PARTY for me. I had to go buy my own pizza after I graduated. Hell my dad didn’t even come to my graduation. I’m the one that no one has cared enough about to ever throw a birthday party for – a real birthday party – despite the fact that I usually end up helping plan and or pay for everyone else’s. Did you know the last time I had one I was 10 years old? It HURTS THAT NO ONE CARES ENOUGH ABOUT ME TO THINK TO DO THAT but I don’t talk about it. I shouldn’t have to tell or beg people who supposedly love me to do things like that for me. Again, I AM THE ONE THAT’S ALWAYS FORGOTTEN. I am not "favored" by anyone.
Part 6
ReplyDeleteAunt Andrea’s Response Continued…
7. As far as Dr. Ott – He is a product of an f*cked up health care system. My dad would like for people to think he has pull with him but in reality he doesn’t. Dr. Ott has to answer to the asshole federal government machine, not dad. That’s why he has a piss-poor attitude and comes off cold. The reality is he probably hates his job, but likes the money. That’s not dad’s fault. Again, as far as dad doing more for me at Claremore or with Dr. Ott than anybody else, he has not. HE HAS NO CONTROL OVER THE IDIOTS AT THE WHEEL in Claremore. No one does.
Having said that let me remind you – I AM IN PAIN ALL THE TIME with my right thumb/hand. It’s my DOMINANT hand; you know, the one I write, eat, bathe, paint, draw, etc with? I can barely grip anything, I have not been able to draw or paint at all in almost a year (it breaks my heart) and it kills me to write. I can type because I don’t use my thumb to do it. My hand is getting worse every day, yet I don’t complain about it and I don’t take pain killers for it; maybe I should and then people wouldn’t forget about me so easily. Instead I just deal with it, I limit my activity. What else can I do?
I walked in to the doctor at Claremore in May because I was in so much pain, sat there all day, saw another asshole doctor there, was referred to a hand specialist and the referral was denied. I was told it’s not important enough, that I cannot be seen by the doctor for it again for another year and to file an appeal if I don’t like it, which I have done. My dad did not go up to the hospital and fight for me, he did not call Dr. Ott; he did nothing. Here’s the difference between me and everyone else, I NEVER EXPECTED HIM TO DO ANYTHING IN THE FIRST PLACE. I’M AN ADULT. Did my dad offer advice on what to do about it when I asked? Yes. Is it up to him to fix my problems and fight my battles for me? No. In the end I understand that I am supposed to take care of myself. It’s no longer my parent’s responsibility. I filed an appeal and am waiting – in pain still. So, you’re belief that dad would fight Dr. Ott for me and not anyone else is WRONG. He won’t fight for anyone because it’s not his responsibility. Again, HE HAS NO CONTROL OVER THE IDIOTS AT THE WHEEL in Claremore.
Part 7
ReplyDeleteAunt Andrea’s Response Continued…
8. You said in your diatribe to your mom that “the whole family puts you down” you meaning your mom. Does that include me? If it does, exactly what are you talking about? Since your mom and you reestablished a relationship with me after ex-communicating me for 7 years, I have done nothing but help you all. Anytime your mom calls I am there if I can be. I have given you all food when I have had it to give. I have given your mom money to help me with different things because I knew she needed it and wouldn’t ask. I did not belittle her for being broke at Christmas; I gave her Christmas for you all (it was my idea - she didn't ask). You know that. Did I humiliate her; did I need to be the center of attention for it? No. I did it in the background, I told her NOT to tell anyone. I told no one, you figured it out yourself. I did that because I didn’t want your mom feeling ashamed. I’ve been in her shoes and I know how it feels. I bought you all a microwave for Christmas BECAUSE I LOVE YOUR MOM. I have bent over backwards to help when I have it. NEWS FLASH...I have only worked 6 months since 2008. I have been laid off twice, CANNOT FIND A JOB and STILL manage to help your mom when I have it. I have not said anything bad TO her or ABOUT her. In fact I took up for her with you when YOU WERE BELITTLING, CURSING and TREATING HER LIKE SHIT in the pharmacy when you got out of the hospital last time. Do you remember what I told you then? I do. I said, “Don’t make me choose between you and your mom because you won’t like the choice.” I also told you that I was there to SUPPORT YOUR MOM more than anyone else through your pregnancy, not just you.
When Alicia was pregnant I HAD NO ONE. I dealt with it all alone. It was horrible. I had no shoulder to cry on and spent MANY late nights crying alone. I hate to think that my sister would have to do that. I told you then that if I ever witnessed you treating your mother the way you were that day again (you had her in tears) that I personally WOULD POP YOUR ASS IN A HOME, that you were wrong and you should be kissing her ass. Your mom is still there, supporting you and yet if you don’t get your way you treat her like shit. You need her more than she needs you. I told you that at the drug store that day and it’s still true today. So tell me? How is that putting your mom down?
I have never blamed your mom for getting you pregnant; I have always told you that there is a consequence for every action you take and to think hard about it BEFORE you hooked up with any guy. You didn’t listen, you pay the price. I am very clear that your mom did not force you to hook up with whoever the baby’s dad is anymore than I did Alicia. So, deal with honey, that’s all you can do.
Part 8
ReplyDeleteAunt Andrea’s Response Continued…
Haley, I love you more than you will ever know or allow yourself to take in. If you want to move forward and include me in your life so be it, you know where I stand on things. If not, so be it. Will I miss you? Desperately - I always have. Regardless, you will always be my “little Haley Bell” in my heart.
I don’t have time for bickering, fighting, blaming, etc. I refuse to slog around in the past anymore either. What’s done is done. It’s time to move on to the future and welcome your baby into a positive loving environment. It deserves nothing less. I understand you are scared and confused. All I can say is I’m here if you let me be. I hope that we can move past this and focus on your baby, the little miracle that’s about to unfold.
Let me know where you stand either way. You know how to contact me. I am done writing.
I Love You Forever,
Aunt Andrea